girl being bullied and talked about by two other girls

Bullying seems to be a huge problem in today’s society. It has been talked about recently on why it happens and what to do about it.

You need to learn how to deal with bullies and how to protect yourself. Knowing how to deal with bullies will not only benefit you but also those around you.

Learning how to deal with bullies can help you stay confident and give you a sense of strength.

Training in self-defense is the best way to protect yourself and deal with bullies. Knowing why bullies do what they do can also help you to deal with a bully.

Here are a few examples of ways to deal with bullies.

Why do kids bully

Many kids bully because they are abused or they do not get the attention at home they need from their parents.

There are many reasons the parent will neglect their children including drugs or alcohol.

A divorce with leaving only one parent can cause anger and frustration in kids. The absence of one parent in a household makes it more likely that a child may bully others.

Some kids are more aggressive by nature and without the proper parental controls, they can get out of control.

A kid’s parent may be a bully so they think it’s OK to bully others since they see a parent doing it.

Bullies crave attention and the power that comes with dominating other people. If you are considered weak and easy to pick on then a bully might target you.

Many bullies do not understand how to behave or act. They do not accept the consequences of their actions.

Here are some reasons bullies hurt others.

  • Jealous of the person they are bullying
  • They see a parent or other kid do it so they do it
  • They may be bullied by their sibling, parent or another classmate
  • If they are strong and bully first then others will not bully them

The effects of bullying

Being bullied has some really bad effects on kids. I was bullied in 7th grade and it made me not want to ride the bus and avoid the bully at school in the hallway.

The bully at my school was getting severely abused at home and one night had enough. He ended his dad’s life and then was sent to juvenile detention.

Bullying has its consequences.

  • Like me, many kids are afraid to get on the bus
  • School can be like a bad nightmare if being bullied there
  • They may avoid bathrooms or areas where they may encounter the bully
  • Afraid to walk home alone if within walking distance of the school
  • Will not want to go to school functions to avoid the bully

This kind of stress on a kid or teenager can cause fear, depression, loneliness, and many more negative effects.

Their grades can suffer from the stress they are under. It only gets worse with social media and bullies tormenting kids outside of school.

Are you a bully?

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Have you ever made fun of other kids or teased them beyond just having fun
  • Do you push kids down or threaten them with physical violence
  • Do you steal lunch money from other kids
  • Have you started rumors that are not true to embarrass or hurt another person?
  • Have you walked up to other kids and told them to move tables at lunch or make them eat outside on the hall floor
  • Do you knock books out of other student’s hands as you walk down the hallway
  • Have you ever pushed someone in the hall for no reason
  • You ever punch anyone for no reason

Any of these and you are a bully to some level.

What you can do

Kill them with Kindness!

The best way to go about people with bad attitudes or bullies it to kill them with kindness.

In the end, bullies will always lose their temper and show their true colors, so you might as well let them show their true colors.

There is no reason to stoop down to their level and give them what they want. If you start treating them how they treat you that means that they have won.

In the end, people with these attitudes and tendencies are bound to self-destruct on their own anyway.

You can keep your great attitude and reputation then everyone will see how they really are. This seems like a cliché thing to say but it really does work.

Negative people feed off of your reaction. If you have the reaction that they were hoping for, then they get what they were after in the first place.

In the end, it is important to stay true to yourself and keep your normal attitude and personality.

Usually being a genuinely nice person does pay off.

Being a bully will catch up with them eventually. There is always someone bigger, tougher, and stronger.

Along with this, it is important to show a minimal reaction. The entire point of why a bully acts a certain way is to get a large reaction out of you.

No matter how upset you are, show a minimal reaction and shrug it off.

It infuriates them when you act like what they are saying or doing isn’t a big deal.

No matter how long it lasts or how long they keep going, just ignore what they say and act like you are not affected.

When they realize that they don’t have as large of an impact on your life then hopefully they leave you alone. You cannot make an irrational person understand the truth.

The bully continues harassing you

If kindness does not work then you have to prepare to go to the next level. You need to learn to fight back.

They will never understand they are wrong.

They will never think that they are in the wrong. This is why it is best not to argue with them because the argument will never end.

These types of people don’t understand how wrong and hurtful they are. No matter what you say they will think that they are the top dog.

Just ignore them and walk away. You need to be strong and look them in the eye. If you show fear they will pounce on you and the bullying will get worse.

If it does get worse you need to learn how to defend yourself and you need confidence. You can get confidence by increasing your self-defense skills.

Show your intellect

Bullies always think that they are smarter than everyone and know everything. One way to really get them stumbling on their words is to prove that they are not the smartest in the room.

If you can figure out how to outsmart a bully or prove them wrong, you are bound to get them to stop bothering you (at least for the moment).

You can also show them that they are wrong if you can. Another great way to do this is to figure out what you think they are trying to do or say to you and do something that would make that irrelevant.

They need to always be the top dog.

If you take that from them, they won’t know what to do. At the least, they will have to go and figure out what to do next which will at least get them away from you for the moment.

Show them that they need to stop doing this. This can mean many things. They are going to pick on you anyway you might as well stand up for yourself.

This is what you do if it does not work staying silent or killing them with kindness of course. Showing that you are not a person to be messed with may stop the bullying.

Bully movie clip to show my point

Stand up to them with no fear

This is something Jiu-Jitsu taught my son when he trained in this martial art from the age of 7 to 10 years old.

The story of the bully at my son’s school

My son has a friend at school that he is close with and hangs out with a bunch. They were both in second grade and my son had been in Jiu-Jitsu for under a year.

There was a boy who was in 4th grade bullying my son’s friend at recess.

I have always told my son to stand up for people who cannot always stand up for themselves for whatever reason.

Jiu-Jitsu is a great equalizer because even though the 4th grader was much bigger my son can beat bigger kids all the time in Jiu-Jitsu class. Especially new kids that know nothing about ground fighting.

My son went up to the bully in line and told him to leave his buddy alone or else. The 4th grader said, “Get out of my face you second grader.”

My son walked back to his line and told me this boy never bothered them again.

To this day the boy that was bullied and my son are friends. The boy’s dad will still sometimes mention how much he appreciated what my son did for his son in second grade.

They are in 9th grade today and still best friends.

Stand up for Everyone

Even if a bully isn’t picking on you anymore, it is important that you stand up for who they are picking on now.

Especially if you already showed them that you are not a good person to mess with.

If you show them that they will have to deal with you no matter who they pick on around you, maybe they will eventually realize it isn’t benefiting them.

They prey on those who seem like nice easy targets.

Make sure that you help these people out and that they don’t get stuck in this trap. Bullies will move from person to person with no problem. They don’t care who they are picking on as long as it makes them feel better.

The only reason a person picks on others is if they don’t feel confident in themselves. Because of this, they try to take confidence away from others.

These are very hard situations to deal with and sometimes it’s hard to know what to do or say.

You never want to cause more problems or stoop down to their level. So make sure that you say what you need to say in a nice way that still gets the point across. Don’t cuss or call them names but be strong.

If they escalate to physical then I hope you have taken Jiu-Jitsu, wrestling, Krav Maga, MMA, or boxing. Training in one of these should give you the skills to defend yourself.


Learn Some Self Defense

If you are really worried about a certain person or situation, it is always a good idea to learn some self-defense moves. It is very easy to take a simple self-defense class however if you cannot, it is also easy to learn at home.

This may give you a sense of peace knowing that you could react to any situation correctly.

Self-defense training will keep you and those around you safe from the bully at all times. You never want to seriously injure them you just want to keep them safe and protect yourself.

Self-defense can really make you feel better and make you feel more confident when it comes to dealing with bullies.

A bully can almost sense when you are scared of them and if you have more confidence they may back off. Being able to defend yourself is a good thing to know anyway even if you don’t need to use it in this specific situation.

Don’t throw the first punch but always be ready for a punch and know the counter self-defense move you can make.

You always have the right to fight back after someone attacks you. This isn’t meant to scare you, it is meant to best prepare you for any situation with a bully.

You can try our free online training that teaches you how to fight back.

Here are the martial arts we recommend if you want to train locally.

  • Jiu-Jitsu – this is our number-one pick
  • MMA – only if you can find a gym that allows anyone some of these gyms is fighters only
  • Muay Thai – Deadly martial art
  • Krav Maga – this is really made for self-defense
  • Jeet Kune Do – Developed by Bruce Lee
  • Self-defense classes locally many police stations sponsor these


Overall there are many different ways that you can go about dealing with bullies. What is most important is to make sure that they do not make your life miserable.

They want to affect you and get a negative reaction out of you. Be yourself and stand up to them because most of the time they will back down or find easier targets.

When it comes down to it you can’t let people walk all over you. You want to respond in a way that makes them see you will not take the bullying.

Here are a few other posts you might find helpful: Can I learn martial arts by myself or The best self-defense techniques for beginners

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